I've been lucky in many ways. For almost my entire adult life I've had the luxury of being "out" to everyone close to me. Although it wasn't by choice, my parents found out all the gory details of my relationship pretty early on. When you live in a family comprised of one man and two women, the neighbors notice. We even came out to the school. I've never held a job where it mattered one way or the other if people figured out what was going on at home. I couldn't afford to. Having an unorthodox living arrangement and having appeared in adult films come together to make things not worth hiding.
So why don't I have this same luxury now? Basically, because our wife left us.
Nowadays I am living a much more conventional life. It is just myself, Master, and our three kids. I am his partner in public and now nobody gives us funny looks. There is no longer any question as to whether I am the nanny, or the sister, or something even weirder. Everyone assumes he is my husband and acknowledges me as his wife although I have never used those words with the people we encounter. The kids' teachers tell us how wonderful it is that we can all parent together and give the kids more love. Ironic I think that this is such a beautiful situation in the eyes of the new school, but the old school viewed three parents living together and parenting as a detriment.
I no longer have the luxury of staying home with the kiddos, and I have a professional job in a professional setting. That's wonderful because it means we are slowly getting our lives back in order, but it does come with a cost.
Lately I feel that nobody knows the real me. I may not have a wife anymore, but I am still bisexual and poly oriented. I am still kinky and need and want direction and guidance. I am still submissive. This is still the life I expect to lead and direction I expect to see our family travel in.
Worst of all? I can't ever let it be known that I am going through personally difficult times. The people around me all day every day can't know that I've lost someone I consider a life partner and that I am struggling to rebuild my life. I just have to act like this is normal.
I suppose some of it is still in the open. Some people have figured out there is something odd going on since my youngest "step" child is only 3 but I've been with my partner for six years. Coworkers scratch their heads when I talk about how involved I am in the parenting of my "step" children. People still let it be known they think I take on too much of the household management when I happen to let slip a regular detail of our lives. So they know I am submissive and service oriented.
They know Master has a lot of control. They just don't know why, and I can't defend myself or him. I just have to keep saying how happy I am and hoping they believe me and don't see me as an unwitting victim. This really bothers me.
I don't really have an answer to this. I have never figured out the lines in this regard. So it's all new territory for me.
Oh, and I just found out I am in trouble today for using too many cell minutes. But of course, I now need to go on with my day and not let anyone know I'm having a rough day because I have no way to explain it. Have I mentioned I am terrible at this?
