I was punished today.
Basically, I have very simple rules. Drink at least 32 ounces of water each day (you wouldn't believe how incredibly difficult this is for me!), clean the cat's litterbox Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, and use the Clinique stuff I just got for my face as directed -- which means the cleanser and creams each night and the creams in the morning. These are basic, simple, ordinary things -- things I should be doing anyway, without external motivation.
But, because of the way I'm wired, I guess, I *need* the external motivation. I procrastinate like you wouldn't believe, and I "forget" to do things all the time. I always have. Taking medicine will be an issue when I have health insurance again and can actually be on my asthma meds -- and I'm sure there will be many posts about my failures to do that. That has been a lifelong, ongoing issue -- something I know I should do but rarely do.
So, with our new dedication to a more stringent discipline program already decided earlier this week, D had no choice but to punish me when it became clear that I had failed to follow ANY of my rules for the last few days.
It wasn't horrible - a hand spanking over his knee and then the lexan paddle - first over his knee, and then, after I tumbled to the floor with my struggling, lying over propped-up pillows on the bed. He even let me have my panties back up for part of the paddling because I found it so excruiciating. But, the tears were heartfelt and abundant this time. I really did feel guilty and I really DO want to be more disciplined about these things.
And now I feel very centered. I know that I can do better on these things with his help - and I now know that help will be readily available to me. A broken rule WILL result in punishment. Period. Somehow knowing that makes me feel more complete and more confident.
Uh ... I just realized I haven't washed my face yet ... I think I better go do that before bed. :)
