[My dad is currently out of town for a week. The plan was that I'd be spanked each night. Nice spankings though. Except, well, I got in the way of that lovely plan.]
As Paul reported in a not-at-all cryptic comment on Twitter:
Not meant as ooo-look-at-us, but @eltercerojo went to bed genuinely scolded and spanked tonight. Both real and surprisingly resonant.
That's the short version. All of it is true. This is going to be the longer story, one maybe that will keep something like it from happening again anytime soon. As I've reported repeatedly in the past, most of my being in trouble and punishments happen not because of anything willful, but because I either don't think things through or am not paying attention to what I'm doing.
So what happened?
Last night as I was getting ready for bed, I did a final check on my computer before letting it go to sleep for the night. Paul noticed what it was busy doing and asked me what I was downloading.
"Criminal Minds" said I. My mother recently got me hooked on the show, which I'd never seen. It combines two of my favorite things -- the police procedural and serial killers. As is the case with me when I find something I like, I've become obsessed with the show, recording the new episodes and the ION and A&E reruns on our DVR, watching them as fast as I can. Definitely enjoying each episode. Except for one thing -- the reruns aren't being broadcast in the original order, at least not exactly. Thus I'm only able to get a rough idea of the series arching plot lines. So Wednesday I decided to somehow download the episodes onto my computer so I could watch them in order. I was so focused on my desire to collect these episodes that the lack legality / ethics of what I was doing never crossed my mind.
I know. What an idiot.
The legal issues did not escape Paul who at first thought I was joking. He doesn't like Criminal Minds anyway and has been patiently exasperated with my obsessive viewing. So blinded was I with what I wanted, I didn't get why he was cross and scolding at first. I thought he was just annoyed I was going to be watching even more. My first hint was when he said:
"You're doing this from my account? The one with my name on it?"
Oh yes. Oh no.
It's not often that Paul scolds me. Last night he really did. I tried to justify myself at first, but then like a flash of light I realized how wrong and careless I was being. And not even using my own accounts, but using Paul's. What had I been thinking? Not very much was the answer to that.
He told me to finish getting ready for bed (brushing teeth, washing face, taking meds) and then to go stand in the corner.
"Which corner?" I asked, kind of stalling.
"You know which corner." His no nonsense tone made my stomach flip-flop. Still, even while I stood there for however long it was, even when he took me by the ear and pulled me to the bedroom, I imagined he'd use his hand. After all, that was what we'd talked about earlier. A long hard one maybe, but a hand spanking.
Except the heavy ebony hairbrush was on the nightstand next to the bed. This was serious.
I immediately went from feeling sorry for what I'd done to being worried about what was about to happen.
Paul sat on the edge of the bed and put me over his leg. On the one hand this position is easier to hold than being over his lap on a chair. On the other hand, he can pin my arms and legs easily. I've never managed to escape or even effectively block smacks. I went over his leg and buried my face in the comforter.
My pajamas were tugged down. A hand spanking started hard over my panties, followed by an even harder hairbrushing. Adding to my intense discomfort was the fact I could hear our new neighbors upstairs. Were they hearing my spanking? I struggled to stay quiet and block the brush, only to have it move to my thighs until my hands were again pinned. Paul pulled my panties down and continued, this time on my bare bottom. I forgot about the upstairs neighbors and screamed into the pillow.
"I'm really sorry." And I was too.
"I know" and the spanking continued. There was nothing more I could do or say -- my tears began in earnest and I stopped trying to escape.
He finished with some hard final smacks with the brush as I cried and struggled to stay still.
And then it was over. We hugged and I curled up against his chest, sulking a bit. Not because the punishment was unfair or undeserved. But because it happened at all. Yet as I think about it today, I can't help but imagine what would have happened without it. Paul's resentment of my thoughtlessness. My guilt coupled with the resentment feeling guilty creates. The hours or even days it might have taken for life to be back in balance.
I hate stories about spanking that end in feeling of gratitude. But I am grateful. Not to Paul, who enjoyed last night, but for this scene that exists between us as both play and reality. It's not at all a bad life.
(And even though I offered, he said I didn't need to delete the CM episodes.)
